May Day Loveliness

Part of me wanted to blog about the staggering cost of gas right now, or how much I found myself paying for a red pepper the other day. I could lament at my anxiety level around the fact that we do not have our fingerprint extension back yet from Mr. Government. Or I could disect and discuss the recent article concerning race in the foster care system, or these clips of families discussing race in America.

Then I watched these clips of Kiana at her school's May Day festival, and looked at the pictures of her and her friends. I changed my mind for today and decided to share them with you, passing on my ray of sunlight....

Kiana finishes school very early, only two more weeks! So today I am off to hear her sing "Tomorrow" from Annie, and then I will go and watch her play Athena in her Greek play next Tuesday. The fun never stops!

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6/2/08 Follow Up: Apparently Blogger will not allow me to post video clips right now...I will keep trying though so check back!

Bargain Hunting

Here is something that is not an option for me: buying all new stuff. So its a good thing I love to try and find really good deals. And honestly, sometimes it takes me a long time.
Here is something I previously had a lot of: time.
I started picking things up when we became foster parents in 2002. I had a car seat from when Kiana was little, and someone gave me a second one. I already had a carriage, and a crib and we picked up children's dishes, sippy cups and utensils at yard sales. I do love yard sale-ing, but I hardly ever buy anything. If you have ever had a yard sale yourself, you can picture me as that annoying customer who only spends three minutes looking around and then leaves. How do you know what I'm selling in three minutes? Its because I am a specific shopper. So the tag sales that have baby items usually hold my attention. I have gotten incredible deals, especially on kids clothes. A brand new wicker hamper, a wooden children's desk, brand new toddler hiking boots, you name it. I check my area's craigslist once a week in their baby section ever since discovering my gorgeous crib (which I would show you a picture of if it was actually assembled) for only $100 bucks. My cute baby bedding was only $10 from a local area's resale fundraiser. I cant wait to put it all together.
My sister is giving me her extra sheep skin blanket for Kai's crib and my mother bought us a baby gate last Christmas. Elspeth is also lending me her breast pump, travelling child's chair amongst other, oh so vital, baby accessories.
Ive been offered an excersaucer, a baby swing, a back pack and clothes, clothes, clothes.
Here's the thing- everyone is really eager to get rid of all the things that their kids do not use anymore. Some of the things I say, great! Others I kindly decline.
My latest treasure? I really wanted a Britax Roundabout car seat, but they are super expensive. So I started hunting on ebay. I had some criteria: needs to be in clean condition, needs all parts, need to check serial number to make sure it has not been recalled, can't have been in an accident, needs to be in this certain price range- including shipping.
I literally lost sixteen bids before finally winning one yesterday. Its really nice and forest green and worth getting discouraged over loosing for. A sweet deal for sure.
The one item I have had absolutely no luck finding is an all wooden high chair. No plastic tray or plastic in between the legs, just wood. And it cant be 250 years old either. I never had a high chair with Kiana, I just used a plastic booster seat you strap onto a chair. But I always wanted one, and now we have the space.
Why choose plastic over wood? I just don't see the point. Its not that much cheaper, wood definitely lasts longer and is more sturdy, and it feels nicer. I'm all about the wood and wool, and cotton. Did I mention I also need to find a sling?
What can I say, its the hippie chick in me.
Bargain hunting does have a draw back though. Mine is named Fred. He hates to see "stuff" coming into the house, or the shed. He hates the accumulation and gets tired of being told how glad he will someday be when he doesn't have to actually buy all this "stuff".
"You mean we have to actually keep size three boys clothing? Hes only seven months! Where am I going to store it?"
"But when he's size three, I wont have to buy anything, and besides, its well labelled!"
We have many conversations that are strikingly similar to that.
Did I tell you I found a brand new, popular label, super nice blue bunting snowsuit n size 18 months for 85% off?!?

Waiting to Travel

Thank you to all the wonderful well wishes and congratulations we have received over this past week. We are so lucky to have such a warm and supportive community.
A super appreciative thanks to my fellow blogging readers, especially the lurkers, who came out from behind the screen to cheer us on. I need your comments to encourage me to write!
As of May 21st we are officially waiting for our travel dates. They are usually anywhere from 8-12 weeks after your acceptance has been confirmed. Since we were away all weekend for Colin's and Laura's graduation, we didn't get the paperwork in as soon as I would have liked. On Tuesday I made Fred meet me at the bank to notarize our paperwork so I could overnight it to Boston (poor Fred was in his work gear and all the guys had to wait in the work truck for him at the bank, it was quite a sight). And although we knew we were accepting the referral, it was nice to get the doctors thumbs up on Monday.
I have set up an appointment for all three of us to get our travel shots on June 10th, and am starting in on the paperwork that was e mailed to me from the agency. You have no idea how much paperwork there is.
I was asked the other day if childbirth or adoption is more difficult. Without a question it is adoption. The waiting, the length, the paperwork- adoption is definitely challenging. Give me natural childbirth again anytime. I can handle the physical pain, its the emotional pain of knowing Kai Misikir is on the other side of the world that's killing me.
I still have a ton of stuff to do, so I hope the time goes by quickly.
This is not our son either, but a very cute picture of Jaelynn, Manny's niece.
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Save the date! On June 15th we are going to have a celebratory gathering from 1-4pm at Kiana's school. I would love for everyone to join us!
Leave me your e mail for more information.

I'ts a BOY!

Can you believe it? A referral!!!!!

Suddenly, things moved so fast. And I can honestly say I was not expecting it. I had actually been a bit lazy.

I had shots to get, appointments to make, estimation of travel expenses were on my mind.

Didn't they say to expect eighteen months? MEC said perhaps before Christmas? (by the way these are the initials from someone on my whfc Ethiopia adoption group. I have no idea what her name actually is).

But I digress.
I received the phone call at work on May 13th at 11am. It was a very busy morning. The multi lined phone system was ringing off the hook, and I heard an associate ask someone if they wanted to hold on the phone and wait for me or be transferred to voicemail. They said they wanted to wait. Which of course meant the elderly woman on the phone took forever to finish her endless list of questions.

When I finally answered the phone I thought our social worker was calling about the e mail I had sent that morning concerning our CIS status.

"No", she said, "I'm calling with some great news!"

The first thing I said was "Are you sure?"

When she started to tell me about him my eyes watered up and I couldn't keep standing there at the front desk with people around me and phones ringing. I told her to hold on and transferred her to my desk. Then I just said "excuse me" and ran- super fast- back around to my phone.

She told me he is seven months old and a little more about his situation. I was absolutely shaking and had to sit down. I made an appointment with her to come to the office the next day at 4pm. She said she would e mail me his pictures in about an hour.

I grabbed the cordless phone and ran outside to call Fred. It rang and rand and rang. I hung up and called back about five times.

Finally he picked up "what do you want I'm in the ditch!" (Fred does concrete, scary stuff)

"Your a dad!"

"what?"

"I said, your a dad!"

"Really?!" -quiet pause-

And he says "OK, I gotta go".

That wasn't exactly the way I had wanted it to go, or envisioned it exactly. But then I forgot about it and called my mom at work and interrupted a meeting by telling them it was an emergency (she was only interviewing potential students for the school). She was so thrilled!!!

Then I called my sister Elspeth in Los Angeles, my sister Maeve in Boston, my brother Colin in Rhode Island, my dad in Maynard, and Lenea in Albany. It was so fun to have so much joy and celebration from everyone.

A few hours later I called our social worker who explained to us she could not e mail the pictures. Apparently it is WHFC policy to show the picture along with all his information when you meet with your SW. It was a very long night and a super duper long next day.

Thankfully Kiana was able to join Mary's family after school that day so Fred and I could drive the hour and a half to the office. Amanda was very nice and let us open the file by ourselves together.

Oh.

He is so, so beautiful. It took my breath away.

He has large brown eyes with questioning eyebrows. He's not afraid of the camera but rather is curious. Inquisitive. He has a traditional Mohawk haircut. Love it. Fred hopes they keep it at the orphanage.

I cant wait. I have that lump in my throat, the heavy weight on my chest.

We are so elated and scared and excited. Its a whirl wind of emotions.

The truth is I will not feel truly at peace until we are here, all together. And every t is crossed, every paper signed. This road has been so long, so curvy and full of steep hills.

I know I need to stay focused, now more than ever. There is so much to do.

I can not wait to show you his picture, then you will see why we are so in love. It would be impossible not to be. Even Kiana is smitten, and I think even excited about having a brother.

Our son hails from Aletachuko and his language is listed as Sidama. People say however, that he may learn Ahmaric at the orphanage. Maybe we will be able to learn a few basic words. We are hoping to practice sign language, which we did a little of with our foster son a few years ago. My niece, Delaney, and her parents are pros. I'm quite jealous :)

So here we go- its a wild ride. We've got to find a way to get ourselves to Addis Ababa (aren't those tax rebates, the stimulus package, on its way?) as a family. Or else I'm going alone, and that thought is suppppper dooooper scary. Valium anyone? Kidding.

Here's a concern I have;

I am just now learning to be the mom to an eleven year old. I have no idea how to mother a twelve year old. I'm just trying to catch on as we go. But I have been the mother to a seven month old, except that I was only twenty two. So I'm nervous, I hope I still know what I'm doing, or even more this time around.

I am so ready.

We have named him Kai Misikir Stevens.

Misikir, his given name, means "witness". Kai, in Hawaiian, means "Ocean".

Oh happy day!

(not our actual child:)

De top 'O de list

Saturday night I was on the computer reading blogs when a message came through to my e mail box. It was a little birdy telling me that a recent traveller to the orphanage had seen a group of children arrive which included several infants. I was excited to hear this, but knew we had a few more months to wait.
On Monday our agency sent out their weekly update on families progression on the wait list. Low and behold there was our "on the wait list" date- right at the top!
You heard right people, we are NEXT on the list for the referral of an infant boy.
I couldn't believe it!
NEXT!!!!
All this time complaining about the wait, and suddenly it is here.
I have so much to do....
I am totally freaked out, and excited and all kinds of feelings.
Beyond anything else though I am feeling such a deep sense of gratitude. So grateful to have the support of my family, friends and community.
So grateful to be part of an online group of Ethiopian adoptive parents that are supportive of one another. So in awe of the birth parents of my future son. Their sacrifice, their struggles, their difficult challenges in life.
Suddenly the world is speeding forward, rushing really.
Maybe the referral will come this week, or next week, or next month. But it is absolutely around the corner, I can feel it.
Julie wrote a really amazing post on her blog The Eyes of My Eyes are Opened. Please check it out. She writes about the different stages of an international adoption, and the many questions that arise as one progresses and becomes more aware. A truly great post.
Keep your fingers crossed for us! :)

Remembering Mildred Loving

Mildred Loving, matriarch of interracial marriage, dies
By DIONNE WALKER

RICHMOND, Va. (AP) —

Mildred Loving, a black woman whose challenge to Virginia's ban on interracial marriage led to a landmark Supreme Court ruling striking down such laws nationwide, has died, her daughter said Monday.
Peggy Fortune said Loving, 68, died Friday at her home in rural Milford. She did not disclose the cause of death.
"I want (people) to remember her as being strong and brave yet humble — and believed in love," Fortune told The Associated Press.
Loving and her white husband, Richard, changed history in 1967 when the U.S. Supreme Court upheld their right to marry. The ruling struck down laws banning racially mixed marriages in at least 17 states.
"There can be no doubt that restricting the freedom to marry solely because of racial classifications violates the central meaning of the equal protection clause," the court ruled in a unanimous decision.
Her husband died in 1975. Shy and soft-spoken, Loving shunned publicity and in a rare interview with The Associated Press last June, insisted she never wanted to be a hero — just a bride.
"It wasn't my doing," Loving said. "It was God's work."
Mildred Jeter was 11 when she and 17-year-old Richard began courting, according to Phyl Newbeck, a Vermont author who detailed the case in the 2004 book, "Virginia Hasn't Always Been for Lovers."
She became pregnant a few years later, she and Loving got married in Washington in 1958, when she was 18. Mildred told the AP she didn't realize it was illegal.
"I think my husband knew," Mildred said. "I think he thought (if) we were married, they couldn't bother us."
But they were arrested a few weeks after they returned to Central Point, their hometown in rural Caroline County north of Richmond. They pleaded guilty to charges of "cohabiting as man and wife, against the peace and dignity of the Commonwealth," according to their indictments.
They avoided jail time by agreeing to leave Virginia — the only home they'd known — for 25 years. They moved to Washington for several years, then launched a legal challenge by writing to Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy, who referred the case to the American Civil Liberties Union.
Attorneys later said the case came at the perfect time — just as lawmakers passed the Civil Rights Act, and as across the South, blacks were defying Jim Crow's hold.
"The law that threatened the Lovings with a year in jail was a vestige of a hateful, discriminatory past that could not stand in the face of the Lovings' quiet dignity," said Steven Shapiro, national legal director for the ACLU.
"We loved each other and got married," she told The Washington Evening Star in 1965, when the case was pending. "We are not marrying the state. The law should allow a person to marry anyone he wants."
After the Supreme Court ruled, the couple returned to Virginia, where they lived with their children, Donald, Peggy and Sidney. Each June 12, the anniversary of the ruling, Loving Day events around the country mark the advances of mixed-race couples.
Richard Loving died in a car accident that also injured his wife. "They said I had to leave the state once, and I left with my wife," he told the Star in 1965. "If necessary, I will leave Virginia again with my wife, but I am not going to divorce her."

In 2007, Mildred Loving released this statement:

Loving for All
By Mildred Loving
Prepared for Delivery on June 12, 2007,The 40th Anniversary of the Loving vs. Virginia Announcement
When my late husband, Richard, and I got married in Washington, DC in 1958, it wasn't to make a political statement or start a fight. We were in love, and we wanted to be married.
We didn't get married in Washington because we wanted to marry there. We did it there because the government wouldn't allow us to marry back home in Virginia where we grew up, where we met, where we fell in love, and where we wanted to be together and build our family. You see, I am a woman of color and Richard was white, and at that time people believed it was okay to keep us from marrying because of their ideas of who should marry whom.
When Richard and I came back to our home in Virginia, happily married, we had no intention of battling over the law. We made a commitment to each other in our love and lives, and now had the legal commitment, called marriage, to match. Isn't that what marriage is?
Not long after our wedding, we were awakened in the middle of the night in our own bedroom by deputy sheriffs and actually arrested for the "crime" of marrying the wrong kind of person. Our marriage certificate was hanging on the wall above the bed.
The state prosecuted Richard and me, and after we were found guilty, the judge declared:""Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix." He sentenced us to a year in prison, but offered to suspend the sentence if we left our home in Virginia for 25 years exile.
We left, and got a lawyer. Richard and I had to fight, but still were not fighting for a cause. We were fighting for our love.
Though it turned out we had to fight, happily Richard and I didn't have to fight alone.Thanks to groups like the ACLU and the NAACP Legal Defense & Education Fund, and so many good people around the country willing to speak up, we took our case for the freedom to marry all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court. And on June 12, 1967, the Supreme Court ruled unanimously that, "The freedom to marry has long been recognized as one of the vital personal rights essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by freemen," a "basic civil right."
My generation was bitterly divided over something that should have been so clear and right. The majority believed that what the judge said, that it was God's plan to keep people apart, and that government should discriminate against people in love. But I have lived long enough now to see big changes. The older generation's fears and prejudice shave given way, and today's young people realize that if someone loves someone they have a right to marry.
Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don't think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the"wrong kind of person" for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people’s religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people’s civil rights.
I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard's and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That's what Loving, and loving, are all about.

I found two more articles about the life of Mildred Loving. On BlackProf.com, Kevin Maillard wrote about the case Loving v. Virginia and the effect, or non effect, depending on how you perceive the advances in our society.

In Pigments of the Imagination, they published a wonderful and thorough essay on the influence Mrs. Loving had over a little girls life called "The Family Tree".

Feeling slightly giddy

I am feeling slightly giddy today. This is an unusual state for me to be in since I tend to see the glass as half empty. But today? Today the sun is out my friends.
I received the weekly update on Monday from our adoption agency. Every week they send out an update on how many referrals for the month, how many people travelling to pick up how many children etc.
This is so unusual: there were THREE infant referrals in the past month alone! Yippee! One of the families waited 17 months, while the third family only waited 15 months. This is very exciting news. June will be 15 months for us.
So, I'm excited and freaking out a little. Don't we need to get our shots? Should I have started the breastfeeding protocol already? I need a pump, and a car seat, bottles (I've never used bottles, Kiana always breastfed and then had a sippy cup) and a Ergo sling thing. We got a great crib off of craigslist, but still have not put it together (even though I hope to co-sleep/family bed). Any expert tips on what I should be doing right now?!
My biggest concern currently is funding our travel. Fred and I really feel if the three of us can not go together than we should ask to have our son escorted. If we cant do it as a family, it just doesn't feel right. From what I have heard it will be about $6000.00 for the plane tickets , staying at the care center, in country donation etc. So today I am calling some people I know to see if we can very inexpensively rent some space for a small fund raiser/silent auction/raffle type thing. I have many new-ish items I have saved for this, and have had quite a few offers of singing, or reading poetry to entertain. All this time I have been complaining about the wait, and I suddenly find myself scrambling to get things done. Did I mention I have always had poor time management skills?

High Fives

My brothers made it to the other side. Struggling, working hard, persevering. You made it Big Little Brother!!! I'm just so proud :)

Colin's novia muy maravilloso Laura is graduating as well. Bravo- you are officially a graduate!
Colin and Laura finish up this May 17th, 2008. Check this out:

After graduating from Waldorf High School, Colin White deferred his admission to Roger Williams University and continued his passion for basketball as the assistant coach for the boys basketball team at Waldorf High School. He soon found that teaching the skills was totally different than playing. "The most challenging part of coaching was not being able to get in the game and play," Colin reflects. He also painted his family's house and did his first stint as chaperone on the tenth grade canoe trip at Waldorf High.
In the fall semester of 2003, Colin enrolled at Roger Williams University in Rhode Island where he decided to study engineering because of his interest in how things work. His chosen discipline is civil engineering and he expects to receive his Bachelor of Science degree this May. Throughout college, Colin has been a Resident Assistant in the student dormitories, worked as a stage crew member and been involved in intramural basketball. He began as a referee, and for the past three years, in addition to playing on a team, he has been the supervisor of the recreational intramural basketball department which has grown from about 15 to 30 teams. For several summers, Colin did maintenance and remodeling work on the Lexington Elementary Waldorf School, including designing and laying the brickwork around the 703 Mass. Ave. building, under the supervision of Building Manager, Paul Menz. Last summer, Colin interned at Capaccio Environmental Engineering Inc. in Marlborough, Massachusetts doing research and field work regarding client compliance with regulations.
Currently, Colin is studying for the Fundamentals of Engineering (FE) exam and working on his senior project with a team of four other engineering majors. Funded by a federal grant received by Professor Leavitt of the Marine & Natural Science department at Roger Williams, Colin's group is responsible for evaluating and implementing an alternative energy source for the power to a FLUPSY (Floating Upweller System), which is essentially a dock modified for growing shellfish. With the current set-up, FLUPSY's must be in a marina so they can be hooked up to town power. Colin's team has determined that the current pump requires too much power to rely solely on wind or solar energy, and they have suggested improvements to the FLUPSY design so that a smaller pump that utilizes less power can be used. They have also researched how to add solar panels, as well as designing a battery bank and a back up system. Colin's team recently presented their design to the New England Association of Shell Fishermen in Providence, RI.
Upon graduating from Roger Williams in May, Colin's goal is to find a position as an Engineer In Training (EIT) in the civil field in the greater-Boston area. After four to five years of work, Colin will apply for his Professional Engineer (PE) License.

-Interviewed by Laura Wells, Class of 2000

Congratulations!

My sister Maeve's novio has recorded a few songs that he has been been working hard on. Maeve sings on the track "Never Quiet" and sounds excellent. Ive been bugging Manny to get me a version of his music I can allow Kiana to listen to :)

Above is a photo of Manny trying to look mean (you don't fool us) and my little sister. Besides making music, Manny is very talented at techie computer stuff. Maeve got on the honors list in her nursing program two semesters in a row! You go girl! Lets focus on the end goal for each of us together...