Just Press Mute

A few things have happened simultaneously in my life. Perhaps not soul shattering issues, but definitely things that have a common thread.

I finished last weekend by reading a few books. I read two of Ken Foster's books: "Dogs Who Found Me." and "Dogs I Have Met: And the People They Found". Then Kiana and I went to the library in Sheffield and I read "Good Dog. Stay." by Anna Quindlen. My favorite quote from that book is this:

"Human being wind up having the relationship with dogs that they fool themselves they will have with other people. When we are very young, it is the perfect communion we honestly believe we will have with a lover; when we are older, it is the symbiosis we manage to fool ourselves we will always have with our children. Love unconditional, attention unwavering, companionship without question or criticism. I once saw a pillow that said I WOULD LIKE TO BE THE MAN MY DOG THINKS I AM. That about covers it."

Oh she is so, so right! If you are an animal lover- of dogs, or cats, or horses or whatever, you may totally understand. I know for myself I am far better at meeting stranger animals than stranger people.

Two other books we got from the library were absolutely beautiful books that I will not be buying for my own collection. Let me explain why. The first book, "Why War Is Never A Good Idea" by Alice Walker and Stefano Vitale illustrating.

This book is gorgeous. Vibrant colors and imaginative words. I understand the message, I think it is an important topic for children to understand, but I found the pictures towards the end of the book to be too hard to look at for a young children's book. Only two pages, but they are rough. Pictures of melted little green army men all bubbly and brown and putrid yellow along with the words, "war tastes terrible and smells bad..." The painting/sculpture thing on those pages definitely portrays clearly what she is writing about. I am glad we read it, but I don't want to keep it on my own shelves.

The next book was "Aida" (the opera) told by Leontyne Price and illustrated by Leo and Diane Dillon. Again, so spectacular. I especially wanted to rip the first picture and the last picture out of the book and frame them and hang them on the wall. But the book ends with the "Royal, Ethiopian Princess who was gentle as moonlight and as beautiful as the morning star..." committing suicide so she can rest in eternity with her lover. Not exactly the message I would want my children to absorb.

Now I am reading "The Almost Moon" by Alice Seabold because I loved her book "The Lovely Bones". I don't really like this book, but I insist on finishing it before I can start "Orphans Of The Living, Stories of Americas Children in Foster Care" by Jennifer Toth. I ordered it from the book mobile at the library and have been anticipating its arrival from Berkshire Community College. From the background I read it seems like one of those books I might have read for my social work degree back in the day. My mother thinks I read too many depressing books, but I really enjoy non fiction and autobiographical books. Don't worry though- I have read all of Alexander McCalls Smiths #1 Ladies Detective Agency books to keep my spirits up.

Now I know I am going to get comments like, how do find the time to read so much? Its because I don't watch TV- well hardly anyway. When Kiana is doing her homework I sit with her and read just in case she has any questions. When Fred is watching the weather for the twentieth time that day I read. When I'm waiting at the dental clinic for forever I read. I love reading, it allows me to create a cocoon that shuts everything else out and envelopes me in a ocean of words. As long as the book is not educational in nature (ie parenting) I can jump in and out of the story as I am needed. The books that require more quiet time I save until before bed or on a quiet, rainy afternoon when I can concentrate. We tried getting rid of the TV altogether, but my husband really missed the weather station and the truck repair shows. Kiana had animal planet withdrawal syndrome. I used to be absolutely addicted to Law and Order (every one) ER and Judging Amy. I would tape them on the VCR and watch them after the kids went to bed. But I just found I couldn't stay up that late anymore and function normally the next day. It would also drive me nuts when I missed an episode- so I quit cold turkey. No more ties to prime time drama.

Media is my next strand of thought.

The world of online communication and the access to darn near anything you want. Cant remember your old zip code? Check online. What movies are playing? Check online. Who did your boss donate money to in the last election? Check online. What do your grammar school friends look like now? Check online. Its all there if you know where to look. It is the era of immediate access, within seconds. Its also completely open and unregulated. Anyone can read what I am saying right now. Even when this blog is deleted and gone there will be an imprint online somewhere of these words. This may be a scary thought. Online journaling (such as blogs) can be such a great and creative way to get your thoughts out and help friends and family to follow along in your life. It also creates a forum for which other people can criticize and negatively perceive what they are reading. I know I love blogging because I love writing, editing and reading. I usually do not really care that much if someone disagrees with me or doesn't like what I have to say. I consider myself to be a very straight forward and honest person. Ask away! I'm an open book! But recently a topic came up that I feel very conflicted about.
A family that was using a fairly new agency to Addis Ababa was recently not permitted to adopt the child they had been referred because the parent posted a photo of the child on their blog. Our agency, Wide Horizons, has always made this absolutely clear that you can not post photos of your child until they are legally deemed "yours". Unfortunately it is said that a vindictive person leaked the information to the Embassy. Sounds like a mess, I know. The part of this conversation that is concerning me though, is that the Embassy made it very clear they were not only upset about the posting of the photo, but that the family had been fund raising towards their adoption on the website. The old, "you shouldn't be adopting if you can not afford it" phrase. Our agency has said that although they absolutely understand why people choose to fund raise, and they are not saying that you cant- with the cultural difference in Ethiopia, they may not understand or look kindly on parents fund raising to come up with the money to adopt. Legally in the US you can not be licensed as an adoptive family (internationally) if your income falls below $30,000.00. How ever, right now the adoption situation in Ethiopia is getting more and more prickly. Many new agencies have moved in, and many more children are leaving Ethiopia. People are very scared. Scared that Ethiopia may end up like Russia, China or Guatemala. Many adoptive parents have chosen to stop blogging (I frequently have to go through my links and get rid of ones people have stopped contributing to- like what happened to swerl?), make their blogs password protected (private) or just not discuss anything that could be interpreted as offensive.
I myself am not sure what to do. I have taken down my direct paypal link but I am hesitant to do more. Is someone really trolling the hundreds of adoption blogs looking for offensive material? Perhaps. If fund raising is offensive, what about soliciting money from a church or applying for grant or loan? What about people that get a second loan on their house? Is that frowned upon? I know our agency said not to include any photos of animals in our home study packet because Ethiopians did not understand our indulgence of pets in this country. So will it be held against me that I have photos of my dogs and cats all over my blog? Should I hide the fact that our pit bull Harley is the best napping companion a kid could ask for? Should I abandon any topics that may be controversial or opinionated?

Fear.

We are told to fear so much in our country. Comcast is regulating what you can and can not download. AT&T is releasing our phone conversations without legal warrants. Scammers are high jacking your credit information. Its everywhere you look. No more do I want to tamper with our ability to adopt than I want to succumb to the pressures to edit and mute my thoughts and beliefs. Call me naive. Call me ego maniacal. Without the support of our community of friends, family and like minded thinkers we would not be doing this adoption. There is just no way. So by removing the element of fund raising from my blog, from my writing, I feel like I would be diminishing their participation- their importance. Sprout has an entry about this on her blog that I responded to in length. Let me know your thoughts on all of this...

In other news- PBS has a series that you must, must watch if you have a computer. Especially if you have a computer and kids, this series is an absolute must see. Its called Frontline: Growing Up Online.
So if you are a teacher, parent, prospective parent, or just want to be hip to whats really going on with children online right now, go watch this series. I am pretty restrictive about what Kiana is allowed to do online and we really limit the time frames. But I can do so much better ( I say after being online for 2 hours) and learn more tools to deal with the over connectedness our children have with media.

Dr. King

I am surprised to find myself posting on the Dr. Martin Luther King holiday (even though I am at work- no holidays or time and a half in the hotel business). I blogged on the holiday last year too, and would not have expected then that we would have lots more waiting time ahead of us in 2008. But- it is what it is.

Here is an interesting short article called "The Freedom We Seek" discussing the distance that has been covered since the passing of Dr. King.
"...Dr. King's message and enduring witness remind us that we're all in this together, and that each of us has a role to play in healing what divides us, forging a new path forward, and moving freedom up the mountain. We must decide together that we will no longer wait for the wealth to trickle down, the jobs to spring forth, or the tide of discrimination to dry up..."

I think there is no greater concern right now than the huge disparities of wealth in our country. It effects our current occupation of Iraq, it effects who has access to health care, it changes who has the opportunity to attend college among a ton of other issues. In Dr. King's speeches he recognized that the divides in America were not just based on race- but also on religion and economic status. There have been great strides forwards, especially in moving towards equality of men and woman of all racial make ups. But the truth is it is not enough. It is not enough in such a wealthy and modern country.
In this article from the New York Times it reads: "...Big business and the federal government have worked hand in hand to squeeze the daylights out of working people, stripping them (in an era of downsizing and globalization) of much of their bargaining power while ferociously pursuing fiscal policies that radically favored the privileged few...Mr. Johnston does not mince words: “The pattern here is clear. The rich are getting fabulously richer, the vast majority are somewhat worse off, and the bottom half — for all practical purposes, the poor — are being savaged by our current economic policies.”
“The distribution of wages, income and wealth in the United States has become vastly more unequal over the last 30 years. In fact, this country has a more unequal distribution of income than any other advanced country.”
Economic alarm bells have been ringing in the U.S. for some time. There was no sense of urgency as long as those in the lower ranks were sinking in the mortgage muck and the middle class was raiding the piggy bank otherwise known as home equity.
But now that the privileged few are threatened (Merrill Lynch took a $9.8 billion fourth-quarter hit, and the stock market has spent the first part of the year behaving like an Olympic diving champion), it’s suddenly time to take action..."
One of the complaints I often hear from friends that teach or are involved in social work with younger people, is the common sense of entitlement that some children are being raised with. Social circles are often too tight knit for children of different economic backgrounds to experience different life styles. How can this change? How can we create more community and less solidarity?
In the book by Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist David Cay Johnston, “Free Lunch: How the Wealthiest Americans Enrich Themselves at Government Expense (And Stick You with the Bill).” Johnston states:
"...So how come we’re not all really well-off? Why is it one-in-seven families has filed bankruptcy in the last twenty-five years? Why is it people are so mired in debt that television ads are just full of debt relief and take on more debt ads, sometimes at 99 percent interest? Why is it that so many people don’t have health insurance and so many people no longer have a retirement plan?
And by the way, the average income of the bottom 90 percent of Americans, what I call the vast majority, is smaller today than it was in 1980. And since the year 2000, when we really got serious about this tax cut business, the average income of Americans every year—2001, ’02, ’03, ’04, ’05—has been smaller than it was in 2000. There have been some gains in 2004 and ’05, but they haven’t gotten up to equal 2000. And of those gains in the year 2000—it’s either ’05 over ’04 or ’04 over ’03—half went to people who make over a million dollars a year."
In an article by Adam Howard he says, "That King would most likely have just as vociferously opposed the Iraq War today as he did the Vietnam War then. This is the King who launched a "Poor People's Campaign," a thoroughly progressive campaign that was considered ambitious for its time and whose job has yet to be completed in part because King was killed, but also because its goal, of organizing America’s poor to fight for economic justice with regards to both compensation and treatment, was so large that no single leader could accomplish it on their own. The "Poor People's Campaign" extended beyond the African-American community. The goal was a "multiracial army of the poor" including whites, Native Americans, and Hispanic Americans.
King traveled to severely impoverished communities with camera crews to shed light on poverty in America, knowing that there would be no symbolic victories or positive press coverage. King called for a "radical redistribution of economic power" in 1968, words that no establishment politician would be happy to associate themselves with expressing today."
In thinking of this brave man, this wise beyond his years man, I want to remember all his messages, all of his soulful intelligence. He didn't believe that the challenge of equality were limited to race or gender. He understood that it would take brave people from every economic stratosphere to come and work together to initiate real, ground breaking change.

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality,

tied in a single garment of destiny.

Whatever affects one directly,

affects all indirectly."

-- Dr. Martin Luther King jr,

"Letter from Birmingham Jail", April 1963

Proud Momma Pictures from Mulan

Its the Mulan Musical picture time. I was soooo proud of Kiana for sticking with this musical and enjoying herself during the performance. Unfortunately the snowstorms that weekend cancelled their second show. My younger brother Colin and younger sister Maeve came as well as Lenea. Weather prevented my parents and aunt from coming all the way from Maynard Massachusetts.

I am pretty sure you need to have high speed to enjoy the video's Colin took on the digital camera. Unfortunately the volume doesn't seem to working now that its on the computer. I'm not sure what I did wrong loading it...





She is 3rd from the right.

Her lips are glowing in this picture-weird.

Congratulating the director- Kiana is in yellow.

Flowers sent from Grandma & Grandpa

Being dramatic. She changed out of her costume the first moment she could...

My sister Maeve 21, my daughter Kiana 11,my brother Colin 25

Girl who played Mulan, Director Lanny and Kiana

My sister and brother are actually turning 21 and 25 this year-me, 33 and Fred-gasp-40.

The year Maeve can get her first legal drink in the USA.

For me this big gateway into adulthood was quite a let down. I had discovered just the month before that I was pregnant. I found myself in a bar on the corner of Landsdown Street with some friends from work sipping a ginger ale with lime. I wasn't sure how I was feeling at the time. I know I was scared as hell to become a mother. I felt privileged in a way, I almost couldn't believe it that I had been picked to be a mom to a little person (picked in a generic, who knows by whom way). But I had just "taken a break" from my social work degree so that I could live independently and work. Why? Oh I don't know. I was in love with a man, in love with a city and with a way of life. I thought I liked working in an office in One Exeter Plaza, across the street from the beautiful Boston Library. I took buses and trains every day. I temp'ed for a while and met lots of interesting people. I hung out in Chelsea and Roxbury and went to Revere Beach. Come on- I was 19 and 20! So I wasn't ready- I wasn't prepared to find myself a mom. And yet- I made it work. I tried really hard to make the best choices for the two of us. When I think of all the details of my life its hard to think of the times when I wasn't a mom. Its ingrained in me now and I wouldn't want it any other way. I have found things to criticize about my parenting or decisions I made. But when I see Kiana on stage- so tall, so bright and strong... I cant tell you what that's like. It made me cry the happy tears.

Iowa

If you know me then you know that I am a political junkie. Not in that fervent constantly have to talk about it way. But if you bring it up I would love to share. I do not know as much political history as I should, but I am paying attention and reading the information that I feel effects my life and my family.

Last night I logged on quickly before I went to bed to see what was happening in the Iowa caucuses. I am a huge fan of Kucinich and Edwards, and felt that Edwards might have a real chance of winning, or at least being in the top three. I was thrilled to see Obama pull out into first in the end, its still a great sign. The best news of all was the record numbers of "young people" (can I still be included in that phrase?) that voted. Its so important that people pay attention to the decisions leaders are making. There are a whole lot of people that have died so that each one of us can have the opportunity- the choice if you will, to vote. Its so easy, it doesn't take that long, there's just no excuse.

Here's some political quotes from last night:

"...John Edwards was supposed to have come in third. He had been written off. He was outspent by the other front-runners six to one. But somewhere along the road he threw off the old politico hack jacket and turned into a real person, a fighter for the poor, for the uninsured, for peace. And for that, he came in a surprise second, ending up with just one less delegate than the man who was against the war from the beginning. But, as Joshua Holland of AlterNet pointed out earlier today, Edwards is still the only front-runner who will pull out all the troops and do it as quickly as possible. His speech tonight was brilliant and moving [did you see the sign "Carpenters for Edwards"].
What an amazing night, not just for Barack Obama, but for America. I know that Senator Obama is so much more than simply the color of his skin, but all of us must acknowledge -- and celebrate -- the fact that one of the whitest states in the U.S. just voted for a black man to be our next president. Thank you, Iowa, for this historic moment. Thank you for at least letting us believe that we are better than what we often seem to be. And to have so many young people come out and vote -- and vote for Obama -- this is a proud moment. It all began with the record youth turnout in 2004 -- the ONLY age group that Kerry won -- and they came back out tonight en force. Good on every single one of you!..."

"...With all due respect to Senator Obama's victory, the most important news out of the caucus this evening was the whopping, room-busting turnout of Democrats. 239,000 people showed up to vote Democratic tonight (93% more than in '04, which was a record year), while only 115,000 showed up to vote Republican. And this is a red state! The Republican caucuses looked anemic. The looks on their faces were glum, tired. As the camera followed some of them into their caucus sites, they held their heads down or turned away, sorta like criminals on a perp walk. They know their days of power are over. They know their guy blew it. Their only hope was to vote for a man who has a direct line to heaven. Huckabee is their Hail Mary pass. But don't rule him out. He's got a sense of humor, he's downhome, and he said that if elected, he'd put me on a boat to Cuba. Hey, a free Caribbean vacation!
Bottom line: People have had it. Iowa will go blue (Happy Blue Year, Hawkeyes!). Whomever your candidate is on the Dem side, this was a good night. Get some sleep. The Republicans won't go down without a fight. Look what happened when Kerry tried to play nice. So Barack, you can talk all you want about "let's put the partisanship aside, let's all get along," but the other side has no intention of being anything but the bullies they are. Get your game face on now. And, if you can, tell me why you are now the second largest recipient of health industry payola after Hillary. You now take more money from the people committed to stopping universal health care than any of the Republican candidates..."

-Michael Moore

Love that guy.

What I cant get over is how well Edwards did with so much less money than Clinton or Obama. When I listened to Edwards speech, I actually got weepy, it was that powerful. Take ten minutes and watch it, its so worth it. I listen to what he is saying about the two Americas, the complete separation from the wealthy and the poor. How just one health care emergency, one death in the family one crisis can completely change the way you live your life in the U.S.

I think of Fred this morning, getting up at 5:45am, putting on several layers to protect him from the 3 degree weather outside. Putting on his huge boots and lumbering upstairs to take the garbage out with him. This morning he is bringing my car into the garage for me- it wont pass emissions- so he has to unload his truck of things he may need for his day and put them into my car. By 6:30am one of the guys from work will have picked him up from the garage and headed out in the work trucks to set up some footings.

I think of my dad, a carpenter for years and years. Working in any weather, in all the conditions Nature had to throw at him. He created beautiful homes and additions day in and day out. He is a lousy mechanic but an awesome philosophiser.

I think this is why Edwards resonates with me, he seems to honestly care about everyone that lives in this country, not just the ones that he needs something from.

"A candidate who says things like this: "I absolutely believe to my soul that this corporate greed and corporate power has an ironclad hold on our democracy." Whoa. We haven't heard anyone talk like that in a while, at least not anyone who is near the top of the polls. I suspect this is why Edwards is doing so well in Iowa, even though he has nowhere near the stash of cash the other two have. He won't take the big checks from the corporate PACs, and he is alone among the top three candidates in agreeing to limit his spending and be publicly funded. He has said, point-blank, that he's going after the drug companies and the oil companies and anyone else who is messing with the American worker. The media clearly find him to be a threat, probably because he will go after their monopolistic power, too. This is Roosevelt/Truman kind of talk. That's why it's resonating with people in Iowa, even though he doesn't get the attention Obama and Hillary get."

-Michael Moore

Now the front runner for the republicans was Mike Huckabee. This is an interesting quote from him: "I didn't get into politics because I thought government had a better answer. I got into politics because I knew government didn't have the real answers, that the real answers lie in accepting Jesus Christ into our lives...I hope we answer the alarm clock and take this nation back for Christ."

Ummm, OK. Some how I would really have a hard time believing that enough American citizens would actually get behind someone who would say that as he was representing our country. How about this quote:

"If the federal government is truly serious about doing something with the AIDS virus, we need to take steps that would isolate the carriers of this plague. It is difficult to understand the public policy towards AIDS. It is the first time in the history of civilization in which the carriers of a genuine plague have not been isolated from the general population, and in which this deadly disease for which there is no cure is being treated as a civil rights issue instead of the true health crisis it represents."

Quarantine people because they are sick with a disease you can not get just by coughing on someone! Are we really still this backwards?

On the other hand I watched a trailer for this movie earlier and it made me scared- and wanting the see the whole thing. Here's a quote from the movie:

"According to Gallup, 44% of Americans believe that within their lifetimes Jesus Christ will literally descend from the sky and take his followers with him up to heaven.
In this clip from The God Who Wasn't There, Rapture believer Scott Butcher talks about his End Times convictions, and author Sam Harris (The End of Faith) discusses what such widely held apocalyptic beliefs may do to our future."

At least I was glad to see Ron Paul didn't fare so well.

"Then there's Paul's now infamous slavery quip that he made on Meet the Press. Paul claimed the Civil War was an unnecessary bloodbath that could and should have been avoided. All Lincoln had to do was buy the slaves. Other slave promoting countries, asserts Paul, didn't fight wars and they ended slavery peacefully. Paul's historical dumbness would have been laughable except for four things.
One, he was dead wrong. Lincoln twice made offers to the slave owners to buy the slaves. They turned him down flat. The countries that freed the slaves without war, presumably France and England, unlike the U.S., did not practice slavery in their countries. And France did fight a war -- Napoleon's ill-fated invasion of Haiti to put down the slave revolt there.

"Government as an institution is particularly ill-suited to combat bigotry." In other words, the 1954 landmark Supreme Court's Brown vs. Board of education school desegregation decision, the 1964 and 1968 Civil Rights Acts, the 1965 Voting Rights Act, and legions of court decisions and state laws that bar discrimination are worthless. Worse, says Paul, they actually promote bigotry by dividing Americans into race and class."

-Earl Ofari Hutchinson

Did you stick with me through all that? lol.

I just have high hopes- I'm optimistic that enough people can come together and create the changes that are needed. Even though it sounds repetitive at this point because of all the speeches, it really is true. There is so much beauty out there i want my children to be able to experience. So many wonderful people I want them to have the opportunity to meet. If things cant change we will never get out of this idea that its just the daily grind- day after day. If I wasn't spending $500.00 a month on a lousy health care plan, could we be using that to go towards our children's education? Or the adoption of our child? Its just a frustrating cycle that needs to be disrupted.

One last thing- if your like minded, check out GoLeft TV its interesting and informative.

And by the way- Congratulations Sprout!!!!!!!

A Glimmer of Hope Foundation

You may have noticed some fairly new additions to the side column of the blog (and yes Katy- go ahead and steal away). There are just so many fantastic organizations out there and I want to share them with everybody!

On an evening in early December I was perusing the blogs and links when I came upon the foundation A Glimmer of Hope. I spent the next two hours watching all their videos and reading the loads of information about Ethiopia on their web site. I smiled at the beautiful faces, and cried at the heart wrenching clips. I am incredibly impressed with the fact that 100% of every donation goes towards the humanitarian work they are doing in Ethiopia.

"Since 2001, A Glimmer of Hope has funded more than 2,500 projects in Ethiopia and improved the lives of more than two million people in the process. All of this has been achieved for an average cost of less than $9 per person.
These numbers are definitely one way of measuring success but it is also important to never lose sight of the fact that each one of those numbers represents a village, a family or a person."


The articles about their work come across as honest and straight forward. There's no bible thumping or guilt tripping- just a concise account of what they are doing. They are irrigating land, building wells and providing clean water, building sanitation stations, offering veterinary care, providing education and health care and even establishing micro loans.
These are not people that have any kind of connection to Ethiopia besides just a concern for the welfare of the people there. They are a couple who made millions off selling their online trading company. When the wife met a mother who had recently adopted from Ethiopia, she listened to her description of what the country was like and the enormous struggles it was/is facing. She visited the embassy in Washington, and from there the couple established this foundation.
I was so caught up in emotion after spending time on this web site that I spoke with Kiana and Fred the next evening at dinner. I had decided I really wanted to make our annual holiday donation to A Glimmer of Hope. Every year around Christmas we try to pick an organization that we would like to donate to, one that we feel connected to somehow. Donating to an organization that is making a difference in the lives of the communities where my son will be born feels so right to me.
Kiana is no dummy though- she immediately asked, "Mom, why are we giving away money when we are trying to save money?" (funny this question doesn't come up when she is drooling over an audio book of another Harry Potter...). But her question gave me an opportunity to talk about the idea of Karma, and of life being one big circle of giving and receiving. She is used to donating clothes, toys and canned food, but money seemed to be an entirely different thing to her. Not so very different from many of us adults don't ya think?





I had every intention of posting this right around Christmas, but unfortunately it sat in my waiting to edit file for the duration of the holiday. Hopefully this foundation will resonate with you as well. Happy New Year!!!! 2008 is gonna rock!