Fabulous

"Peace is not something you wish for; It's something you make, Something you do, Something you are, And something you give away." -Robert Fulghum

"You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment." -Henry David Thoreau

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."

-Louisa May Alcott

Faces of Ethiopia

Do You Realize?

Are you black?

As a parent we often find ourselves in situations where our response has to be tempered, subdued. I do not want to influence my children with my own automatic responses. I really want them to respond through their own emotions.
Last week Kiana made a new friend who came over to play for a few hours. During the play date Kiana would occasionally try to whisper something to me, but I reminded her that secrets were not allowed, especially when a friend was over. After she left I asked her what was the secret she was trying to share with me. She answered "_____ said her mother doesn't like black people, then she asked me if I was black." "What did you tell her?" I said. She replied "I told her "Yes, I am". I wanted to know- "were you upset by the question?" "No, I'm just tired of people asking me that." Now I was totally taken aback, plural? people? "Who else asked you that question?" she said, "Just kids in school. I guess being the new girl they just want to know. It's annoying, that all. When I'm not the new girl anymore I think they will stop asking". She shrugged it off as if just another part of being in a new school. I was so upset, but I held it in. Kiana is in a new school for fifth grade. It was a very difficult decision to have her attend a new school. She attended a Waldorf school for six years, four grades and two in early childhood. The change had to do with many different things, mainly cost and saving money right now. But Kiana was also seeking something else, being closer to school (we were 35 minutes from the Waldorf school), having friends in the town we live etc. So she has emerged from the protective cocoon that was her previous school, into the more unknown of a larger public school. I am trying to have confidence that Kiana has the tools to deal with the different circumstances she may find herself in. I am trusting that our relationship is such that if she needs help, she will ask me for it.
Having different skin tones, is that all it is? Or is it the temptation to simply have a deeper understanding of someone, and the easiest way is through appearance. Don't I have a certain perception of someone after I have seen the car they drive? When I see someone in a hummer, isn't it true that I really do want to ask them why? What is it about the way you were raised that made you want to own a hummer? But of course our children are not vehicles, or purchases, or property. The looks they get, the comments they may overhear, the messages they receive from our constant addiction to multi media. These are the things that begin to make them question people's differences, those things which form an individual.
"Why is it mom, that ______ always eats very healthy food, buys all their food from the Co-Op but is still heavy and round? ______ mom lets him eat at mc'donalds all the time and hes supper skinny? I thought fried foods made you fat and tired, but hes not tired at all!" I appreciate that my daughter is straight forward and honest. I know for myself however, that this tendency can also be offensive to some people. The truth is she's right, it doesn't really make sense. So we discussed not just how food effects our weight, but also has an affect on different kinds of energy levels, and of where the food comes from etc. Sometimes, it just comes down to our own DNA, what kind of metabolism you have, what genes. Part of me feels angry that she has to explain who she is, what her lineage is. The other part of me recognizes that its human nature to wonder.

"We need limitations and temptations to open our inner selves, dispel our ignorance, tear off disguises, throw down old idols, and destroy false standards. Only by such rude awakenings can we be led to dwell in a place where we are less cramped, less hindered by the ever-insistent External. Only then do we discover a new capacity and appreciation of goodness and beauty and truth."

Helen Keller

The joys of modern technology

Apparently, in the world of high speed Internet service, we did the unthinkable. We moved our computer. That's right, you heard it from me first- Fred and I moved the computer. Let me explain. It started with a discussion on how to create more space in the house that we rent from mister and missus Vernali. Fred moved into this house about a year and a half before Kiana and I moved into his life. It went from frilly (the ex girlfriend) to bachelor (she took all the furniture) to, well, sort of a disorganized mixture of children and animals. I'm all about wood, and natural materials (my Da's a master carpenter with a degree in psychology) and we have gradually found a livable medium. All of our furniture is kind hand-me-down's or tag sale jewels or the occasional excellent shoppers guide ad (you should SEE the wooden bunk bed!). Never the less I am feeling a need to get the baby's room ready. I haven't found a crib yet, and they wont let us paint, but we need to organize.
As I mentioned before, I am not a fan of television, although I do understand the need for everyone to zone out once in a while. We decided to move the TV (even though I have to mention that Fred is so tired of our 13" TV after the 27" one died about six months ago) the stereo, the speakers and the entertainment center downstairs. We moved our bed out of the large room and into the smaller one near the boiler room, thus creating more space for a sort of media area in the large space. I don't know if I am doing a very good job explaining the layout of this split level ranch, but its a finished sub basement with a smaller and larger open room.

(The above photos are ones we took for our homestudy packet, so things look a tad different).

Upstairs we moved the furniture around in living room so that we can actually use it as a family room. Reading, interacting with one another, talking and playing. As our son gets older we can move more toys and books into that room. When we had our foster children it was more of an interactive playroom area that we all hung out in.

Here are some older pictures of Kiana, A and Z (our two foster children). I'm hunting around for a picture of the downstairs......here's a funny one of all the animals being fascinated with a poor toad Kiana had caught in the back yard. The picture doesn't really show you our downstairs very well, but its cute.

I completely got off track. Back to modern technology and my lamo excuse for not posting to my blog in forever. After moving the desk into the larger space downstairs, I called our provider of TV, phone and high speed. They informed me since I moved the computer to the other side of the house, I would need a new cable connection- and no, it doesn't matter that there is already one for the cable television there. She scheduled me for the next week, an evening time slot of four hours starting at 4pm. I rushed home from work and waited. Until 8pm. No cable person. I called comcast and they informed me that my service call was entered incorrectly and that they would not be able to connect my high speed on that side of the house anyway, I would need to move my computer back. What?!? Now I was becoming irritated because that made nooooooo sense what so ever. When I started to explain that if I was a new member- well you get the idea. He asked me to hold, and I did, until I realized he had disconnected. It took two more phone calls and requesting a manager for them to finally schedule a convenient (sarcasm dripping) 11am to 3pm time slot mid week, the following week because they were very busy, to install not only a new cable connection but also another phone jack. Crazy right?! OK, so now we are back online, 2+ weeks after the sinful deed of moving furniture.

I have so many fantastic quotes to post, and stories to share. A few things- first I found this absolutely terrific website called Care2. It allows you to set up your own page, similar to facebook (which I have, look for me under the same heading- adoptionsponsorship-and say hello http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=638285352). You can also have an e mail address, chat, circle of friends and more. But the most excellent thing is that you can sign political and environmental petitions, donate by just clicking through to other retailers, and keep track of it all on one page. Check it out http://www.care2.com/

Now if you are like me, and hate to go shopping, or go to malls, you might do most of your shopping online. For instance, I had a gift certificate from Eddie Bauer from last Christmas. I went to http://www.freepledge.com/ , chose the charity I wanted the company to donate to, and made my purchase. It is so easy, and is such a genius idea. Try it, it will make you feel good.

This article was passed around the Ethiopian adoption blogs and I thought it was cool.

SENATOR'S SON, DAUGHTER IN-LAW ADOPT CHILDREN FROM ETHIOPIA

SIOUX FALLS (AP) -- Sen. Tim Johnson's son Brendan and his wife have adopted two children from Ethiopia, Johnson's office said Monday.Trualem, 10, a girl, and Peneal, 8, a boy, arrived in South Dakota last week and join Brendan and Jana Johnson's two boys, Sutton and Cooper."I'm now a proud grandfather of five. Brendan and Jana have opened their home and hearts to Tru and Peneal. Our family is larger and richer with them in it. Adoption is truly a miracle for all involved," Sen. Johnson said in a statement released by his office.

And then there was this article, I will just provide the link:
http://nymag.com/news/features/35817 Do Parents Feel Differently About Their Adoptive Children Than Their Offspring? -- New York Magazine*

Read this article, tell me what you think. I am still processing it. I loved this quote though "Hubbell was fascinated by the larger blended families they’d met during the international adoption process, which tends to throw together two demographics that might otherwise never meet: liberal urbanites seeking a sibling and sprawling born-again-Christian families operating from a sense of mission..." This, my friends, is very true. The article discusses Angelina Jolie, of course, questioning the differences between adopting a child and birthing a child. It addresses some of the curiosities- some of the hard stuff- some of the history.

"...adoption itself has altered—making it hard to predict the repercussions of this fresh cohort of mixed families. “At first, for people who couldn’t have bio-kids, there was no IVF, no IUI. So you got yourself a little white baby and you never told anybody.” Aronson herself offers up a puckishly contrarian view of genetics. “It’s just my opinion, but I’ll tell you this: I’m glad my children are not genetically related to me. There are many of us in that camp. There are things in me, physically, biologically, psychologically, that shouldn’t be inherited. ‘You don’t have to look like me, with my big nose, close-set eyes!’ ”

The article discusses families that have either, like ourselves, chosen not to become pregnant through medical procedures, or have decided not to get pregnant at all, and to adopt. In our country this is a new and novel idea. I happen to believe its great. The part of the article I am struggling with is the question of a connection with the child, and if it is different or the same as a child from birth. I think a parents connection with all of their children is different. Growing up I felt more similar and more connected to my father, where as my sister had more camaraderie with my mother. I do not think it meant they loved us any less, only that the natural connection was different. However, I also think of the relationship I formed with my foster children the seven months they lived with us. Since we were led to understand that these children would be a permanent part of our family, we never approached it in a temporary of foster parent way (I have admitted we were naive). I felt an immediate connection with Z, I absolutely felt like his mother. My connection to A took longer. She had been through many back and fourths, changing of homes, and there was so much we were not aware of, so much history for four years. And yet when they left, I mourned for both of them, and felt I didn't do enough.

"It doesn't matter how long we may have been stuck in a sense of our limitations. If we go into a darkened room and turn on the light, it doesn't matter if the room has been dark for a day, a week, or ten thousand years - we turn on the light and it is illuminated. Once we control our capacity for love and happiness, the light has been turned on."

-Sharon Salzberg

Like I said, I'm still processing....perhaps I will come back to it later.

Found a fellow blogger I wanted to pass on, I really like what I have read so far.

http://www.straightmagic.blogspot.com/

I have to admit that some people get their blogs to look so awesome, I don't know how they do it. Do you think I made my blog name too long? I am so wishing I was more techie.

Ken-where are you?!?

Kiana see's a crane at the cow farm