This was written by a 14 year old girl from CT

My mother recently started a subscription for Kiana to a monthly magazine called "New Moon"
http://www.newmoon.org We were reading through them and I came upon this poem written by a 14 year old girl named Marissa Mayer. I just thought it was such a powerful message for a young girl to be expressing. I hope she doesn't mind me sharing it with all of you. I can certainly relate to it, and I am sure many others will too.

They Wanted Me to Surrender

The wanted me to surrender.

They wanted to be done.

But I stood up to fight the battle

And through my tears I won.

I was faced with two forks in the road

And I alone had to choose.

Take risks, be brave, and possibly win

Or be cautious, careful, and lose.

The sunshine meadow was beckoning-

A rainbow in a sky so clear.

And there was the evil forest

Of hate, deception and fear.

The hourglass was running out

And I made my decision fast.

I grit my teeth, and held my head high

And made the choice at last.

They wanted me to surrender.

They wanted to be done.

But I stood up to fight the battle.

And through my tears, I won.

http://www.change4orphans.com/local%20newspaper.htm

How proud are these parents!!!! So excellent!

Adoption across an oceanEthiopian orphans finding homes with American families
By MADELINE FARBMAN, mfarbman@poststar.comSaturday, February 10, 2007 10:45 PM EST
When Cheryl Carter-Shotts first started trying to help Americans adopt children from Africa 20 years ago, she said people told her, " 'Africa, Cheryl? Wise up, nobody cares.' "In her estimation, a couple of huge celebrities helped change that situation."Bono got involved in Africa, and people started paying attention," said Carter-Shotts, managing director of Americans for African Adoptions. "Then Angelina Jolie went in, and oh my god, it blew the doors of Ethiopia open for adoption."These stars and Madonna may have focused more attention on Africa lately, but interest in Ethiopian adoptions has been growing for several years.The number of children adopted to the U.S. from Ethiopia shot up from 135 in 2003 to 732 in 2006, making Ethiopia the fifth-most-popular country for American adoptions.And for the people who have been fighting for these children pre-Brangelina, the recent attention has been enormously gratifying, shining a light on the millions of children orphaned by AIDS, other diseases and war in Africa.Emma Dodge Hanson, a Saratoga photographer, first decided to adopt a child from Ethiopia in December 2002, after a New York Times article by Melissa Fay Greene left her in tears.Greene wrote about Ethiopian children describing the deaths of their parents and siblings, and about meeting HIV-positive orphans who were doomed for lack of treatment.Greene also described bringing her own adopted daughter, Helen, home to America, where Helen asked every visitor, "Do you have a mother?""Most children and adults are surprised by the question -- 'Of course I have a mother!' they reply -- but African friends are not surprised," Greene wrote.One year later, Hanson and her husband, Marc Woodworth, flew to Addis Ababa to collect their own daughter. Calla, a 7-pound, 3-1/2-month-old waif, was in the hospital suffering from skin conditions and "failure to thrive."A policeman had found Calla on the street at five days old, and brought her to an orphanage run by Washington State-based Adoption Advocates International.Hanson protests that whoever abandoned the baby was anything but cruel. It was actually an act of kindness, an effort to get her a better life, Hanson said.In sub-Saharan Africa, an estimated 12.3 million children have been orphaned by AIDS, and 31 million more have been left alone after their parents died of malaria, tuberculosis, other diseases or war, according to a 2004 report by UNAIDS, UNICEF and USAID. These numbers are predicted to grow.Some of these children wind up on the streets, some wind up in orphanages and a tiny proportion end up in American homes.Ethiopia is one of two African countries that accomodate American adoptions, along with Liberia, though a handful of other countries are just beginning to develop programs, said Merrily Ripley, director of Adoption Advocates International. The costs are a bit lower than adopting from China or Russia, and some adoption agents foresee that recent restrictions to China's adoption policy may lead some families to look elsewhere.And Ethiopian children, according to Hanson and many others, are extraordinarily beautiful and raised in a respectful, loving culture.Now 3 years old, Calla Woodworth is a tall, healthy, attentive girl who asks an unending string of "whys" and sings Bob Dylan songs with gusto.In the years that Calla's been growing, Hanson's devoted her time and energy to helping more children like her.She's bartered her photography skills to raise money for the fund she started -- Generosity Reduces Adoption Costs for Everyone, or GRACE -- to help more families afford a process that costs upward of $10,000.And recently, she and her husband have been offering advice and encouragement to a handful of local families who also now plan to adopt Ethiopian children.In December, Hanson returned to Addis Ababa with two friends -- Jane Haugh of Upper Jay and Jennifer Armstrong of Saratoga.Hanson went to photograph children at the orphanage run by Adoption Advocates International, to produce two books as a fundraiser for AAI, and Haugh and Armstrong volunteered with the children.The trip was transforming, Hanson said, her first real chance to discover the country, since she'd been distracted with worry for her daughter when they were there before.She could take in the setting with Haugh and Armstrong, who were there for the first time -- its streets packed with pedestrians and donkeys, construction projects seemingly left half-finished, shanties made of corrugated metal, lemons for sale from a wheelbarrow.Haugh recalled the sounds -- the call to prayer broadcast through the city over scratchy loudspeakers, the noise of a truck engine straining to climb a hill. The pervasive "neep-neep" horn of old taxicabs didn't seem like an expression of anger or frustration, Haugh said, but more a friendly reminder to the swarms of pedestrians sharing the roadways.Then there was the orphanage run by Adoption Advocates International, called Layla House and Wanna House.Stepping through the gates from the city into the orphanage compound was like stepping into a magical place for Haugh."Just like the whole world was in black and white, and you walked in there and it went into color," she said.The many photographs Hanson took of the orphanage show grinning children dressed in a rainbow of T-shirts, turning headstands outside or sitting in classrooms adorned with colorful maps and pictures.Teachers and washers and cooks were always nearby to pick children up when they fell, and in classrooms they learned English and lessons they'll need for new lives in America, like buckling a seatbelt or putting a stamp on a letter.Almost all the children at Layla House and Wanna House are HIV-negative, said Ripley, the director of AAI. But she currently has about 10 adoptions in process for HIV-positive children."As we've gotten more knowledge now about how to care for HIV-positive kids, there's been more interest and more ability to do it in a way that's going to be good for families and kids," she said.Every child at Layla House and Wanna House gets adopted, Ripley said. But Hanson and her friends had a stark reminder of how serious the situation is for most orphaned children when they visited other orphanages in Addis Ababa.These facilities, well-intentioned but strapped for resources, were "grim," said Armstrong.Ripley said she doesn't know what happens to the many orphans who aren't adopted."I shudder to think," she said.Before Hanson went to Ethiopia this time, she and her husband had discussed adopting a baby boy in the future. But she met one charming 3-year-old girl, and felt a moment of recognition she called "heart bloom."Woodworth and Hanson are now moving forward with adoption plans. And this decision, to adopt an older child instead of a baby, is one agencies hope to encourage."When news media write about the orphans in Africa, the viewers, the readers believe that means babies," said Carter-Shotts, the managing director for Americans for African Adoptions. "There are so many older children."Ripley, the director of AAI, is also trying to educate people about the joys and challenges of adopting older kids."We call this, at the agency, the Year of the Older Child," she said.Hanson's friends also plan to adopt older children since their visit to Addis Ababa, and the children they met there, cemented their interest.Haugh and her husband, who have two birth children, ages 6 and 8, are discussing adopting a 5-year-old boy.Armstrong, who is single and does not have children, said she initially thought she would want a 3-year-old."Then something kind of clicked when I was hanging out with the older kids," she said.Armstrong has started the paperwork, but it's gut-wrenching to know that she has a daughter waiting in Ethiopia, she said. At least a couple of times a day, she'll imagine little bits of the life they'll have."Thinking about what kind of lunches I'll be making for school," she said. "I have tons of children's books in the house -- I wonder if she'll like this, maybe we should read this one together."Adopting Calla has raised questions of race and ethics for Hanson and Woodworth.They teach her about Ethiopia, and they teach her about African-American culture. Her two favorite dolls are named Charlie Parker and Fasika, the word for Easter in Amharic, the Ethiopian language.They get occasional stares, but never impolite comments, said Woodworth. "And maybe this is the way you create your own world, but I only see looks as positive."He thinks Calla seems attracted to certain people who are African or African-American, but "It's so hard to tell if it's race or just people."For Hanson, getting involved in Ethiopia is the most satisfying work of her life, she said, but one that has involved finding and pushing her limits."Find your comfort zone and leave it, and you learn something," she said.And she's adamant that she takes more from these experiences -- of adopting her daughter, of trying to help other Ethiopian children and other adoptive parents -- than she gives."I've learned more about defining my own personal ethics," Hanson said. "Because there's a whole world out there, and it's so easy to make a difference."

Connecting with others

A mother named Mary was kind enough to post a comment recently with a link to other families who are also adopting from Ethiopia! I have signed on and thought I would pass the information along in case anyone was interested:

http://ethiopia.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/other-ethiopia-adoption-bloggers

There are quite a few sites and all kinds of interesting links and such. I easily spent an hour (I swear I was doing laundry too :) roaming around on the site. Thank you Mary! I cant wait to meet more people with the same focus and community spirit it takes to adopt from Africa.

"To live more simply is to unburden our lives -- to live more lightly, cleanly, aerodynamically. It is to establish a more direct, unpretentious and unencumbered relationship with all aspects of our lives: the things that we consume, the work that we do, our relationships with others, our connections with nature and the cosmos, and more."

--Duane Elgin

"The past is never dead. It's not even past. All of us labor in webs spun long before we were born, webs of heredity and environment, of desire and consequence, of history and eternity. Haunted by wrong turns and roads not taken, we pursue images perceived as new but whose providence dates to the dim dramas of childhood, which are themselves but ripples of consequence echoing down the generations. The quotidian demands of life distract from this resonance of images and events, but some of us feel it always." --William Faulkner

Country Profile

Country Profile

Ethiopia- Country Profile
Key Facts
Area: 1,112,000 sq. kmCapital: Addis AbabaPopulation: 67 millionLanguage: Amharic, Orominya, Tigrinya, Afar, Somali, Arabic, French, English, ItalianEthnic groups: One third semitic(Amharas and Tigreans), remainder are Oromos, Somalis and AfarsReligion: Ethiopian Orthodox Christians, MoslemsResources: Coffee, hides, oilseeds, beeswax, sugarcaneLife expectancy at birth: 44 years

Brief History
Ethiopia is Africa's oldest independent country. Unlike most of its neighbours, it escaped the colonial era relatively unscathed. However, the fuedal economy that persisted well into the 20th century left the country under-developed, with a huge gap between the wealthy landowners and rural peasants.The country's history dates back into ancient times. The Greek historian Herodotus (5th century B.C.) describes Ethiopia in his writings. According to legend, the Ethiopian Empire was founded by Menelik 1st, son of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba. At the end of the 18th century, Menelik II of Shora managed to reunite and expand the empire, which had fallen into internal squabbles due to a weak monarchy. However, as he pushed south he came into contact with European colonial powers in Eritrea and Somalia. An attempt by Italy to gain control of the country was defeated in 1896, and the Europeans were forced to accept Ethiopia's independence.Emperor Haile Selassie ascended to the throne in 1930. However, Italy invaded and occupied the country in 1936 and Selassie's pleas for European help were ignored. He was returned to power after Italy's defeat at the end of the Second World War in 1941. Famine between 1972-74 sparked unrest, which resulted in a coup. Selassie was executed, along with more than 60 officials. Lieutenant-Colonel Mengist Haile Mariam took power, establishing a Marxist state. Under the junta's rule, thousands were killed and properties were seized. Famine again gripped the country throughout the 1980s, with over a million people dying of starvation. Resistance groups succeeded in taking over key provinces in the late 1980s, and after Mengistu fled to Zimbabwe in 1991 the junta was overthrown.The Ethiopian People's Revolutionary Democratic Front (EPRDF) set up elections and chairman Meles Zenawi was elected president. Eritrea became independent after a UN sponsored referendum in 1993. In May 1998, the border squabble between Eritrea and Ethiopia broke out into a full-blown war, which would last for two years. A peace agreement was signed in June 2000, which included the deployment of UN peacekeepers in a 25-km buffer zone between the two armies.In 2000, the failure of three successive crops meant around eight million people were in danger of starvation. This year (2002) the country again faces food shortages. The UN says that in the next 12 months, up to 15 million people in Ethiopia and Eritrea could be in need of food relief.

Development Issues
Ethiopia remains one of Africa's poorest states. Income per capita is extremely low (average annual income - US$100 ), while around two-thirds of the population are illiterate.The country has a history of famine. Extensive long-term agriculture has lead to deforestation and soil erosion in the northern highlands. Meanwhile government policy, civil war (both in Ethiopia and neighbouring Sudan and Somalia), climate change and an exhausted agricultural base have also been factors in food shortages.Only around 40% of the population has access to health services, while only 6% of mothers deliver children with the assistance of a trained mid-wife at a health institution.

Information from; http://www.wvi.org/wvi/country_profile/profiles/ethiopia.htm

Transracial adoption article

I thought this was an interesting article from an adoption support site http://www.adoptionsupport.org/newsletter/Feb2007.php#art4


I do not think it is ever possible to know everything that will come up for any parent, but I always find it interesting to learn from others.





ASK ELLEN By Ellen Singer, LCSW-CThe Center for Adoption Support and Education
DEAR ELLEN,
I am the father of two children adopted internationally, a 10 year old boy from Russia , and a 7 year old girl from China . My father adores his grandchildren. However he unquestionably holds some racist attitudes that he is not even aware are racist. Anyone not born in the United States is a “foreigner”, and regardless of race or how long they have lived in the United States, he views them as not being as good as “real Americans.” My children love him dearly. I don't know what they think when he makes these kinds of remarks. I have tried to tell him to stop, especially in front of the kids, but he doesn't get it and is unlikely to change. I would object to these comments even if my children were by birth. I am thinking of threatening him with not seeing the kids if he does this again, but of course, that's painful to do.
Parents always want to protect their children from hurt and pain. Most of the time they fear outside influences which they cannot control, believing they can do this at least within their families. It is therefore especially painful for parents when they worry that their adopted children will be hurt by family members. It is important to try to talk with the family member about the impact of their words on the children. Oftentimes they are truly not aware of what they are doing.
Because people often respond defensively to criticism, the trick is learning how to communicate your concerns to increase the likelihood of being heard. It is best to let a relative know first how much you appreciate their love for/relationship with the children. Rather than judging the relative for his beliefs, it might help to explain that you are concerned that the children will take the comments the wrong way and think it means something negative about them. Educate your relative about some of the painful comments made by outsiders – either to you or to the children (Make them up if you have to!) “Couldn't you get an American child?” is a frequent one parents of internationally adopted children hear. Tell your relative that you know he would never intentionally do anything to cause the child pain, and enlist his help in protecting your children.
Threatening cut off is very serious and I would recommend seeking professional help to avoid that. The loss of the relationship to the children and your family would likely have its own serious, harmful ramifications. If your efforts at change fail, it would be better to speak directly with the children about your concerns. First ask them if their relative has said or done anything to them that they don't like or that has hurt their feelings. The children may really have not made the connection between the relative's remarks and themselves. The children can be helped to understand that their relative loves them, but that people are not perfect –and that the relative they love is a good man who also has flaws and faults. Help them to see his that one of his serious flaws is his unkindness about other people and his failure to be sensitive to their feelings, despite your efforts to “change” him. You can let the children know that they should feel free to tell him how they feel at any time. The purpose here is not to put the responsibility for this problem on the children's shoulders, as much as to empower them to appropriately share their feelings.

Felting Santa *December 2006*

I just had to show these photos, I thought they were great. Kiana became interested in felting (thanks to Jenn VanSant volunteering at school) and is actually quite skilled. She did this Santa for her new cousin Delaney as a holiday gift. After completing this, she spent some time making a cat for my aunt Ellen, a deer for my parents, a little girl for my sister Maeve and I cant remember what else. The Santa though, was the one she spent the most time on.

Kiana has suggested felting something as a fund raiser "for the baby" as she puts it. I am just worried it is too time consuming. Maybe, we will see.

A fantastic excerpt

I read this excerpt and thought it was so great, right on the money. Although we are not completely media free in our house, the TV is definitely not part of our week days. If I get brave enough we could get rid of it altogether. I must admit however that I do enjoy the occasional family movie :)

A World of Our Own Making
by Katrina Kenison

The following excerpted chapter, “TV,” is from the book
Mitten Strings for God: Reflections for Mothers in a Hurry. The book’s
author, Katrina Kenison, editor and writer. Borrowed from the school paper
Mosaic.
…[T]onight I set out for a walk, to gather my thoughts.
Jack followed me outside, and we lay pressed against
one another in the lawn chair for a half hour before his
bedtime, watching the bats fly out against the darkening
sky. They give us the shivers, these nocturnal neighbors of
ours, and it is a delicious thrill to be out there with them,
whispering like trespassers in our own backyard while they
lay claim to the night. Finally it was too dark to see the bats
darting above our heads any longer. The sky was strewn
with stars by then, and we made wishes…
I took Jack inside to bed and headed out again. As I walked
through the neighborhood, still treasuring those sweet
moments with my son, I began to count the bluish lights
flickering in every living room I passed. Was there any
house where the television wasn’t on? A house in which
a family was simply enjoying one another’s company or
drinking in the sounds and smells of this spring evening? I
didn’t see one.
Our lives are a series of choices. Some we deliberate over,
others we make automatically. But as we begin to live our
lives more consciously, with more attention to the details,
we become increasingly aware of just how many decisions
we do make in the course of every day—from what we
toss into our grocery carts to the images we allow into
our living rooms…Knowing that the shape and mood
we bring to a day has a deep effect on our children’s own
sense of well-being, we begin to pay more attention to the
atmosphere in our homes…The challenge, of course, is to
make our choices creatively, so that the details of our lives
support and nourish what is best in us.
As I rounded the block and headed toward home tonight,
I could not help but feel a bit sad, discouraged to think
how easily we have come to accept the pervasiveness of the
media in our lives. The world we live in is a world of our
own making, the sum of all our collective choices… How
can any of us protect our children from the relentless display
of violence, sex, noise, inappropriate humor, and advertising
in a media-driven world that is already saturated with these
sounds and images?...How is it that, in a society in which
most of us feel starved for time, we are willing to hand over
the time we do have to our TV sets? On this velvety night of
bats and stars and apple blossoms, TV had taken its captives.
Several years ago, columnist Ellen Goodman suggested that
thoughtful parents have become the real counterculture
in our society; that is, they counter the culture’s prevailing
messages with deeper, richer values. It used to be that
parents, extended families, and communities passed on their
values to the next generation. Now…TV characters tell them
what to buy, how to dress, what to eat, how to talk, what to
aspire to, what to love, and what to scorn. Given the power
and the pervasiveness of TV and media in our lives, it is not
surprising that so many parents feel helpless or have lost faith
in the ability to set limits…Rejecting the values pronounced
in the media takes an enormous amount of effort. It means
building a wall around young children and protecting them,
for a time, from the culture’s prevailing winds. It means
educating our children’s hearts and minds by fully engaging
our own…
…[T]urning off the TV, or getting rid of it altogether, can
seem like such a radical step. We are a society in the grip
of the media, shaped by it and dependent on it for our
relaxation, our entertainment, even our education. For many
of us, it is hard to envision life without the TV…
Having chosen to eliminate TV from our lives—and
discovering that we were all happier without it—it was easy
to decide that we could do without video games, computer
games, and other electronic media as well. There have been
times when we needed to remind our children that the
world is full of other good things to do, but rarely. Our boys
discovered that for themselves. They don’t think less of their
friends who disappear inside after school to play Pokemon,
nor do they wish they could play, too. They simply… have
other stuff to do…
All that said, I must admit that the first step in this journey—
giving up television—was hard at first. I especially hated
losing the sacred viewing hour between five and six p.m.,
the hour when my tired, cranky children were happy to flop

down in front of the television while their tired mother got
dinner made and on the table. Jack was two at the time, the
age at which if he was not watching TV, then I had to be
watching him. So those first TV-free months did present a
challenge…At the beginning, I had to put a lot of energy into
getting us all through the day. I would put out snacks, set up
little projects, and then try to dash between whatever I was
doing and whatever the boys were doing.
I finally solved the pre-dinner problem by putting Henry,
then five, to work and putting Jack into the kitchen sink.
We found our way. Henry could set the table, he could
peel vegetables, slice a banana, drop walnuts into a salad.
And Jack was delighted to take his clothes off and sit in a
sink full of warm bubbly water, “washing dishes.” It still
required more of me, but I got something back, too—happy
times with my children. Every day that we made it through
without resorting to TV, I felt victorious…And over time it
did get easier.
Jack graduated from in-sink dishwasher to chief napkin
folder. By the time he was five, he knew how to handle a
sharp knife and could be entrusted with a pile of potatoes
to peel and chop. Sometimes, to help fill the time, I would
send both of the boys outside to find treasures for our
table—flowers and branches for a centerpiece, rocks and
twigs to arrange at each place. As they got older, they made
placemats, wrote out menus, set the table. Our dinnertime
collaboration meant that both boys grew up knowing a good
deal about what goes into a meal and how things are done in
our kitchen.
Now they are busy with their own enterprises, and I have
long since been relieved of my job as activities director.
They don’t need any help figuring out what to do with
themselves. I still get a hand with dinner sometimes, but
many nights I’m alone in the kitchen again, and I find myself
already nostalgic for those years when I had two eager little
assistants.
As I think back to the battles my children and I used to have
over shows and times and channels and hours in front of the
set—and to the vague sense of unease I felt about plopping
my young children down in front of the loud, insistent
sounds and images of television—I realize that the cold
turkey approach was the right way for our family. After a few
weeks of adjustment, we were weaned. And after that, we
never looked back.
In our house, eliminating television cleared a space
for the things we really care about. In fact, I don’t
think it is an exaggeration to say that turning
off the TV was the greatest single thing
that my husband and I have done to foster
creativity, imaginative play, and independent
thinking in our children. What’s more, we
realized that we suddenly felt more connected
to each other and more in touch with ourselves.
Somehow we got far more than we gave up.
We’ve found that no TV means
• More time for music…Many evenings we all sing and
play together.
• More time for reading. We read aloud, we read alone,
we read for pleasure and education. In fact, we jump
down into books as if they were rabbit holes,
passageways into other realms…
• More time for art. There are hours for drawing and
coloring and projects…
• More time to play.
• More compassion…When you are bombarded with
violence, sex, and catastrophe, you can’t help but
become desensitized to the images that wash over you
Once we eliminated that daily flood…our own senses
seemed heightened…
• More time for each other. No TV has meant that we have
all gotten very good at entertaining ourselves; we know
how to make our own fun, how to make one another
laugh.
• More time to live. We spend our days doing instead
of watching; entering into real-life activities instead of
disengaging from the world; creating our own images and
stories instead of absorbing manufactured ones…
Once we see our homes as sanctuaries from a hectic
world, then television begins to feel more and more
like an unsavory intruder, robbing our rooms of life and
meaning, stealing our time, and preying on our souls. When
it comes to TV, less really is more. Or, as my son Henry
has advised me: “Just say that TV fills your head up with
other people’s ideas, which means that you don’t have as
much room for your own…” Words of wisdom from a
product of the counterculture.